Naomi Ashley | Music: Love And Other Crap

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Love and Other Crap (BUY NOW!)

2001's EP Love and Other Crap still serves a fan favorite and is a showcase for Naomi's trademark sense of humor. The songs are funny, dark and twisted yet are still relatable to the common everyman experience. Naomi recorded the album in the basement of a friend who later went on to found the beautiful Strobe Recording studio in Chicago.

Point of Interest: Though lyrical content suggests malice, law enforcement agencies were never able to prove that any crime was committed in the making of this album.

Listen      Lyrics      Song For Mean People

Listen      Lyrics      Blind Mute Torso of Love

Listen      Lyrics      Room In This Heart for Two

Listen      Lyrics      First Time I Saw You I Was Drunk

Listen      Lyrics      Uncircumcised

Listen      Lyrics      Dog Child

Song For Mean People (2:34)
Music and Lyrics: Naomi Ashley
© Naomi Ashley

If you'd never told me that I was a failure
I would have never known
Thank you for your honesty
And your brutal purity
I guess this means that you're all grown

Here's a dollar go buy some feelings
Is one enough okay here's two
All your insecurity you find a way to pass to me
So I can feel bad like you

Chorus
So look in the mirror and cry cause nobody likes you
Go look in the mirror and cry because you're ugly inside

I'd have given you my sympathy and empathy
But you had to have my soul
And strip it all away of every bit of dignity
And mix it up inside your bowl of evil

I feel dumb now does that make you happy
Does that give you a sense of joy
While your at it here's my wallet and my family
You can even have my boy

Chorus

You self-righteous, contemptible, self-hating bitch
I owe this complex to you
You self-righteous, contemptible, self-hating bitch
I owe this complex to you

Chorus

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Blind Mute Torso of Love (3:18)
Music and Lyrics: Naomi Ashley
© Naomi Ashley

I've never been good at keeping good men
Or keeping a man at all
I've put good fights, I've held on real tight
But sometimes I just loose my grip and fall

I've been told "get lost" by losers
I've been stood up by geeks
I've been left for men
And I've freaked out some freaks

And as I get older my standards get lower
I'm (current age) now, I've got no lower to go
And just when I thought it was the end
I'd never find a boyfriend, I found him
And Ohhhhh Ohhhhhh

He won't look at other women cause he ain't got no eyes
He was born without a voicebox, he won't be telling no lies
He's got no legs so he cannot run
He's got no arms he won't pick up a gun
And each night I pray and thank the good lord above
I got me a blind mute torso of love

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Room In This Heart for Two (4:23)
Music and Lyrics: Naomi Ashley
© Naomi Ashley

Our eyes met on the train
I said "hello there" and asked you your name
Gave you my number and told you to call
Now it's two days later and I haven't hear from you at all

Now it's 9:37 and you're not at home
I'm outside your apartment on the corner payphone
Where are you, where are you
I'll find you

All those feelings that you hide from me
You don't know it but I can see them clearly
Through my inferred night vision goggles
Parked in a van across the street

Some people say that I am crazy
I say I'm crazy in love
I don't want to scare you, I just want to love you
And as soon as I pry open your door with this crowbar
I've got something to say to you
There's room in this heart for two

Now you look so warm and cozy
In my basement, chained to my furnace
You complain about the bunny suit but you'll get used to it
You'll get used to it

I bring you lettuce and carrots to eat
You spit in my face and say you'd rather die
You forget, love, I know you much to well
And I know when you're just being shy

You scream out that I'm a psycho
I say I'm psycho in love
I don't want to hurt you, so don't make me hurt you
Stop crying now or I'll hit you with my shoe
There's room in this heart for two

Now you won't even look at me
Even when I take off your blindfold you fail to see
That I don't want to kill you, not unless I have to
Go ahead and scream no one can hear you
There's room in this heart for two

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Chorus
First time I saw you I was drunk
Second time I saw you I was tipsy
Third time I saw you I was starting to sober up
Now boy I don't want to see you any more

Now my mama said there's always time for drinkin
And love could be found at the bottom of your glass
She said darling, that's how I met your daddy
As I stumbled by him he grabbed my drunken ass
Now I never thought I was anything like my mama
Except we both like our whiskey and we both walk with a limp
And as I saw you standing there through my cloudy spinning eyes
I thought you looked so nice, I thought you might be a guy from TV
Or a pimp
And that was the first time
And the ...

Chorus

Now I don't know if it was that tattoo of your mama on your chest
Or if it was that intense gaze coming straight from your eyes
Of if it was the way you held my hair as I was throwing up
That made me see you were a sensitive guy
I used to think you were the best thing since the box of wine
But as my buzz wore off, so did your charms
And I realized that intense gaze was coming straight from your glass eye
And that tattoo of your mama wasn't your mama at all
It was my mama ... Hey now

Last call was called, I slipped an ashtray in my purse
Grabbed a handful of pretzels and I knew what I should do
I ran out the bowling alley door and straight into Betty Ford
Now boy, I'm 12 steps away from you
And that was the last time
But the ...

Chorus

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I loved you like a child
Trusted you like a child
Came running to you like a child
You must have thought I was a child

Because you treated me like a child
Patronized me like a child
Scolded me like a child
Yes, you must have thought I was a child

I was loyal and true like a dog
Your best friend like a dog
Right by your side like a dog
You must have thought I was a dog

Because you treated me like a dog
Led me around like a dog
And kept me outside like a dog
Yes you must have thought I was a dog child

So I cried like a child
Rubbed my eyes like a child
Pouted and screamed like a child
Until I almost thought I was a child

And I backed away like a dog
Whimpered and whined like a dog
Howled at the moon like a dog
Until I almost thought I was a dog child

I look like a girl
I sometimes act like a lady
And I'm gonna leave like a woman
All grown up and human

Because I cannot play like a child
And I will not stay like a dog
And I don't know who it is I've been
But I ain't no dog child

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© 2009 Naomi Ashley. All rights reserved. | Site + Design: ENGAGE:DSN | Copy by: Al Kammen | Logo Design: Spilled Ink Press | This project is partially supported by a Community Arts Assistance Program grant from the City of Chicago Department of Cultural Affairs and the Illinois Arts Council, a state agency.